Sleepy Sheep Loves to Type...

Why 'Breaking Dawn': The Musical?

In case you've been living under a rock for the past few years, we are firmly in the grip of 'Twilight' fever. Yes, the 'Twilight' saga, written with all the skill, wit and flair of a fifteen year old attempting their first fanfic, has enraptured people across all of the globe, spawned a series of equally irritating films and the kind of merchandise that puts 'KISS' to shame. And for some reason, I enjoyed them, in much the same way I enjoyed 'Torchwood'- by revelling in the rage it induced.

'Breaking Dawn' is the last (hopefully) of the 'saga' and it managed to turn a promising, if poorly written, story about a human girl and her obsession with a sparkly vampire that strongly hinted it would develop into a coming-of-age story about appreciating life, growing up and independence, into the most ridiculous wish-fulfilment you could imagine, where a supposedly bright teenage girl gives up any ambitions to better herself by devoting her life- and subsequent death- to a whiney insecure vampire, eschewing her studies to get married and have his baby at eighteen- both things she actively expresses distaste towards in the previous books- as well as giving up all her privacy to massage his ego; all of which she is rewarded for. Which is a fantastic message to send to the impressionable young demographic, I'm sure you'll agree. If you think of the previous three books as a swimming pool, 'Breaking Dawn' is the drainage device, removing all depth and leaving behind dirt, clumps of matted hair and a general stench of urine.

Anyway, I like to be a positive little sheep, and so when Bill Condon- director of 'Dream Girls' and 'Gods and Monsters' to name but a few- was announced as the director of both 'Breaking Dawn' films, I didn't weep into my grass, or try to stab the farmer (he learned the first time, which is why I'm typing this and not in a vaccum pack on the shelves of 'Tesco'). Instead I hung onto one Facebook question he decided to pre-empt:

'P.S. Answer #1: No, there won't be any musical numbers.'

To which I thought, 'Well, what a shame. A musical could vastly improve this crime against the written word.'

Judge for yourself. I should add, however, that if you thought 'Breaking Dawn' was the literary sensation of the millennium and simply can't understand my complaints above, you probably aren't going to enjoy this. I'm not saying don't read it, but I am saying don't come crying to me if you don't like how it plays out. 

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